Chilled like wine, the evening prepares the sky

The night air is moving in. If a neatly trimmed lawn hosted a firepit, I would gladly start it. For now, rampant lavendar violets and white ghost-like dandelion heads float above a wildly unkept lawn. From where I sit, on the wicker loveseat that previously resided in the loneliness of my mother’s basement, I can hear the playful shouts of neighborhood children and am suddenly noticing the way trees have blossomed, seemingly overnight. I love this yard. I fell in love here in this yard, when things were still brown and sleeping.

Today my mind flashed back to my ex. I was mid-workout and something pure was streaming through my ipod when I thought back to the weak creature that I used to be. Momentarily, I lost sight of my reality and his angry screams filled my thought, the rage that was tangible in our old home. My poor kitten thrown across the room, my poor stepdaughter broken down by accusations and punishments. I felt like he hated me and at best, had a mild sense of annoyance and tolerance toward me. It was sick, the pathetic way he tried to gain my trust back. Like I was too dim-witted to recognize his efforts as fraudulent. Now in the light of true love, a pulsing truth is nourished and beats even stronger in my heart; I am not those lies I was once told. I freed MYSELF to enjoy my life. La vida es un carnaval, como dice Celia. Gratitude as a word does not capture the love I feel for myself and for God.  

I am an overcomer (through Jesus, thanks to God). I have overcome already. I am scarred, I am a warrior wrapped in a cloak. You can feel my spirit and sense patience, focus. My spirit is enchanting and hidden, it belongs to the earth and my ancestors and most of all, to God.